At first the man at the window of the Ladies Car only wanted to shake my friend's hand, which she politely declined considering that it is a much more significant move in India to touch a woman, even to shake her hand. He kept asking, she kept shaking her head, and finally he just reached through the train window to grab her hand which was currently in her lap. At which point I smacked his arm away and gestured for him to go away. At which point she chimed in with "Jao, jao"--the talking-down-to-you way of telling someone to go away. Thankfully, he left. Not getting harassed was the reason we chose to sit in the Ladies car in the first place, and I subsequently offered to play bodyguard and smack anyone else who came near us.
To be quite honest, however, I've been harboring a strong desire to smack someone, something, for quite some time now. The underlying awareness that many Indian men don't view us as full members of society due to our sex without encountering any actual verbal or physical confrontation has created a pent up frustration ever since I was told that if man tried to touch me I should take off my shoe and smack him. I have yet to get physically harassed myself, but every time my girl friends have gotten felt up, sometimes to a dramatic extent, I want to go smack the guy for taking away their dignity. As this week is yet another holiday, I'm reminded how much I am torn between wanting to go downtown to celebrate, and not wanting to relive my friends' terrible experiences in massive crowds of men.
Even the students on my educated (and therefore more liberal than the average demographic) campus aren't immune, as I realized in one fateful Philosophy of Human Rights class when my fellow male students openly confessed that they thought there might be something to this sexism thing. Travis and Christopher saw me chomping at the bit to open my mouth to say something, but really, what could I say? What well phrased comment from a foreigner would erase 25 years of cultural conditioning? Thus I just fumed, let my wonderful (male!) professor defend my dignity, and felt helpless.
In any case, I've since resigned myself to the fact that I can't go around smacking people to relieve my frustration, and ventured out into town to get some groceries. Walking down the street, I overheard some young guy lean over to his friends and say something like, "Uska panjabi hei..." while staring at me. They all then proceeded to laugh, stop halfway through their sentences when I got closer, and then shoot louder flirtations at me. I, of course, ignored them. But also realized that I know enough Hindi/Urdu to know when I might have been mistaken for a Panjabi. Kids, I may be 4 shades darker than I usually am this time of year, but that doesn't make me Indian.
*edit*
Apologies to Arabic speakers for the ﻻ that made its way into the title. . . that was supposed to be کا , and only a weird idiosyncrasy of the Urdu script made me put the lam-alif in before I realized that it was a lam-alif. Why the Urdu کا feels the need to look so much like ﻻ I have no idea.
1 comment:
Your comments are unfortunately believable and horrifying at the same time. Do you have any idea why it is that Indian culture has not yet asserted the idea that sexual harassment and female degredation are unacceptable? I get pissed at the men here, and they are waaay more respectful sounding than the men in India; I can't even imagine how frustrating that would be to live in that day in and day out. I am sorry that you have to go through that.
What is the least for someone to do for it to be acceptable for you to smack him? How much can you assert yourself in public? Also, what are the social connotations of being/ being called Panjabi? Is that lower class? Even if you did get a tan, I'm still surprised that you would be mistaken for an Indian. I would expect that if your facial structure wasn't different enough, then at least your clothes and the attitude with which you hold yourself (I hope India hasn't beaten that out of you...) would be enough to show that you were part of a different culture.
Also, what does the Urdu (?) you wrote in the title mean? I can pronounce it basically, although without short vowels and not knowing Urdu, I'm sure I wouldn't be saying it write. I did catch the "la" and "panjabi/a" though
Oh, I just realized that I never replied to the last comment you sent me on my blog - you made a running jump onto a moving Indian train???! I'm impressed!
Have you decided to stay in India for J-term or will you be going back in January?
I miiiiiiiiiiss you, Tori. We should have a conversation. Be well, and smack as many rude men as you can. Even if you can't assert yourself much in public and don't get the respect you deserve there, always remember that you are strong, beautiful, courageous, intelligent and a caring human being - in short, a woman to be respected and feared. You are wonderful, little bird! I love you!
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